Common sense is not so common when gathering a group of people together. Here are some tips on social etiquette making you the host with the most or the gracious guest that can be applied to multiple occasions.

Question: I am hosting a housewarming party, but not all my friends get along with another. How do I handle the dynamics?

Answer: I love my friends. If only they loved each other. I have had guests throw childish temper tantrums, one going to sit by herself in a separate room to avoid another of my friends. It's a challenge to create a stimulating and congenial invite list. Add to that finding enough chairs to seat everyone and hoping you don't run out of margarita mix, you don't want to add pressure to your duties by acting as a U.N. diplomatic envoy.

For the intimate gathering, it's best to avoid inviting guests who clash. If you are celebrating a special event, consider having two smaller gatherings like a cocktail party and a brunch, thus dividing the invitation list. A larger party offers more space, more time and less likelihood that your friction-filled friends will dine together.

Inform inquiring minds about the guest list by saying, "I want to let you know I've invited Sam to the party. I respect that you two are not getting along right now. I hope you will respect that you are both important to me and I want to share this event with my dear friends." And a little advice for those guests who don't get along with your host's friends: Be polite, civil and greet your adversary. Never berate a guest to your host's face.

Question: I've been invited to my first Seder and have no idea what to expect. Do I turn to Wikipedia, or query my hosts ahead of time?

Answer: Years ago while I was studying in England, I was invited to Easter dinner by distant relatives. Far more than painting Easter eggs, this was a serious affair as my cousin (thrice-removed) was a bishop in the Anglican Church — one notch down from the Archbishop of Canterbury — who spent weekends with the Queen of England. How I wish an etiquette angel had dropped down from the heavens to whisper religious protocol in my ear. I was there studying fashion, not religion. I looked like a bunny in the headlights when receiving communion.

It is perfectly acceptable to ask your hosts what to expect and what you may bring. For Passover, ask your hosts if it is a kosher meal. Staff at your local market will be able to show you appropriate food and wine items often marked K for kosher and P for Parv, specifically kosher for Passover. Seder consists of a long meal, which can be three hours, incorporating religious ceremony — so don't arrive with an empty stomach.

Wine is very symbolic during Seder, but it is acceptable to decline and ask for grape juice, which is commonly served. Don't be intimidated; rather, view it as an opportunity to learn about traditions other than your own, opening a world beyond your horizons. Happy Passover!

Question: I was throwing a baby shower for a friend and one of the guests asked if she could bring her sister, whom no one knows, including the guest of honor. It didn't feel appropriate nor did it feel appropriate to tell the guest no. Since I didn't have the guts to tell her no, I said yes. As it turned out, the sister didn't show up. Am I right to be annoyed?

Answer: I've actually committed this crime. I invited my boyfriend's best friend to a destination wedding. I was looking after my boyfriend's interests more than the bride's by insuring my boyfriend had a buddy while I attended to bridal party duties. Rank and familiarity blinded me from protocol. Unless the guest of honor and sister were long-standing pen pals, it was not appropriate for the guest to invite nor bring her sister. It is not the occasion for introducing new faces who will be a cause of distraction for the guest of honor, who expects a sense of familiarity at such a special gathering.

When faced with friends inviting their own guests to your party, you can say "I look forward to meeting your sister. Let's set something up at a separate time." For the guest who mistakes him or herself as the guest of honor, try: "I know Laura is looking forward to sharing this rite of passage with her close friends and family." Or, "I hope you understand, but there are budget and special constraints." Or link all three for a convincing run-on sentence.

Bizia Holmes Greene is founder of the Etiquette School of Santa Fe. Contact her at www.etiquettesantafe.com">www.etiquettesantafe.com or 988-2070